my flight to Korea

The weekend of silent meditation and sitting is complete, we made it through as a group, and as one. We sat with Richard and Mary and our instructor Jules Levinson all weekend, which meant 9:30am-5:30pm both Saturday and Sunday. I know what you are all thinking... essentially this is the same amount of time it takes to fly to Korea. For advanced sitters apparently 7 or 8 hours is really only half a day, on some sitting retreats the days can be 14-16 hours long, alternating sitting and walking meditation. That being said, 7 hours a day was plenty for our group of seasoned yoga practitioners.

Personally I have never meditated for more than 15 minutes at a time, its never been something I have worked on or studied at all. Sometimes I consider my asana practice a meditation, because on occasion it is very slow and can last hours and hours, but I have never been much of a sitter. I actually dislike the act of sitting so much that when contemplating some worldly travels, I've always considered Asia to be too far away due to the long and often wretched flights.

So what did I learn on my flight to Korea this weekend? The number one thing that struck me was the somewhat anticlimactic nature of the 2 day sit. For some reason I thought there would be some turning point where issues would float to the surface and simmer in my mind for a period of time while I internally dealt with issues from my childhood... or something like that. What did I think about the whole time? I did have a chant stuck in my head on repeat for abut 9 hours, often times I would think about music, different songs would come in and out. There were moments of contemplating a few ideas I have about myself, based on my personal stories and the like. There were also moments of complete mind numbing boredom, counting the breaths until the gong would ring and we would all rise and begin walking very slowly in a circle around the room. I'm a bit surprised that I made it through the weekend without a single melt-down moment, just given the fact that I generally hate sitting still for longer than 20 minutes. I'm a mover, always have been, usually in airplanes I'm the one getting up every hour to stretch and do some twists in my seat and some plies and tendues in the aisle. I think the fact that I made it through 14 hours of sitting without any entertainment, books, music or recreational drugs is an accomplishment within itself.

When you sit in silence for so long it creates an inner stillness that is shared amongst the group. Everyone has a vibe of complete silence, this is something that I enjoyed quite a bit this weekend. On our first day, at the lunch break no one felt the need to make small talk because we were all in a headspace that was completely comfortable in our own group silence. I think being comfortable in silence is brilliant. Hanging around with so many new faces usually prompts chatter, sometimes great conversations, but often times just slightly awkward time killing babbling. In my opinion being able to mingle with people without talking is a powerful exercise and something that isn't done enough. I feel that taking part in a silent meditation with people who are essentially strangers is a unique bonding experience, it breaks the awkwardness of hanging out together, after what we just did there is no longer such thing as an awkward silence. I'm sure the group dynamic will be slightly changed by this whole experience, I'm looking forward to getting back to class tomorrow.

Half way done, can't believe how fast time is flying!

xo

whatever you do, don't go toward the white light

Today July 26th is a day I will likely never forget, the day I visited the cadaver lab. For anyone that doesn't know, a cadaver lab is a place where they have preserved human bodies for the purpose of scientific study. As you all know, I'm in Boulder this month studying with Richard Freeman, and today was the first day at the lab. There has been an unsaid tension surrounding this day, because many of us have never seen a dead human body, its not usually something you see when studying yoga. The trip to the lab has been lurking slowly toward us day by day and today it happened, we got into our cars and drove out of downtown Boulder with feelings of excitement, anxiety, queasiness and more. 

We walked into the lab, which was a large warehouse space with a door that lead right out into the parking lot, I guess they like good ventilation when dealing with decomposing flesh. The space looked like a classroom, with about 20 small desks and a chalkboard and there was a teacher with a white lab coat directing us to our chairs and such. Once I sat down I started looking around, on the chalkboard there were large body parts written down ie. psoas, shoulder, pelvic floor, etc... As I continued to look around I noticed in one area of the large room were 4 tables on wheels, about the size of operating tables, and each of them had on it a sealed body bag, thats when everything starting making sense. 

Our teacher was fantastic, he was completely respectful of our feelings and of the cadavers as well. He began by talking to us about the donation program, and allowed us to ask any strange questions that we had, this was the warm up act. He wanted to make sure we were ready to move forward, and as any seasoned pro he knew that there would be a few weary souls in the back row a bit hesitant to move on. As he scanned the room he began to ask certain people how they were doing, asking for names, just making people feel more at home, at this point there were a few students starting to squirm. I began to feel light-headed, and my vision starter to falter a bit. I have fainted a few times in my life so I know the signs. As our teacher continued to speak to us I noticed that his lab coat was a bit stained, then I looked back at the chalkboard with the body parts written in bold letters, scanned the back of the room with the body bags and I knew in that instant it was time to get out of there. I stood up without a word, I didn't have any words left, and with that I bolted towards the door leading into the parking lot. As soon as I hit the concrete outside I burst into tears and began pacing around, at this point it had started raining. Mary came out to make sure I was still alive, offered to bring me home if I wanted and just reassured me that being in the lab wasn't easy for anyone. 

I was the first to drop.

After about 10 minutes I pulled my shit together and went in, they had a body out on display at this point, everyone crowding around the table in awe. I hung back by the wall for a few more minutes and then decided I was ready to face death and hope for the best. Slowly I got used to it, although the experience was unlike anything I had ever faced before, bit by bit I became desensitized. After about 30 minutes I was in there with everyone learning and watching all the muscles and joints move in real bodies. The coolest part but also perhaps the weirdest part was when we were shown a piece of the lower arm with the hand attached. There are so many tiny ligaments and tendons and muscles in the hands, wrists and forearms, its unimaginable. Our teacher began to pull on certain muscles and we saw the hand move, the fingertips bending and everything, we were literally seeing how the inner hands actually work. A strange thing about cadavers is the insides look kind of as they do on tv shows, but the hands and the feet look real, and watching them move so lifelike really brought us back to where we were... at the lab.

And then another girl went down, fainted and hit the ground. 

The experience itself was informative, surreal, ridiculous, interesting and more. We all made it out alive and well. 

The human body is so interconnected it is insane. In science we learn about the different systems and how they function and interact with each other, but its never so clearly demonstrated that the systems are completely connected than in a cadaver. The kidneys are literally sitting in the lower back, it became real to us that low back pain could indicate kidney malfunction, or any organs and any body system for that matter. What affects one part of the body affects the entire body because literally everything is contained under the skin and its all right there, hanging out with each other all the time. In Canada getting into a lab is nearly impossible unless you are in a university program. As yoga teachers I think it was an extremely informative and thought provoking experience, and if you are ever given the chance, take it! The entire experience brought up issues of life, death, what health means, and much more.......... and with that, goodnight!

xo

sit down, sit up, sit still

Today was my first meditation afternoon at the Shambhala Centre in Boulder. Every wednesday afternoon we have a meditation session with our special meditation teacher, its basically a 2 hour session that begins to prepare us for our 2 day sitting/meditation weekend. The meditation workshops and the eventual 2 day retreat have been on the top of my list of things to dread and fear for the past few months. With much anxious anticipation I walked down the street to the centre and meandered up the steps, not even wanting to go in. We were on the top floor, and it was a super humid day in Boulder so the air was a bit thick and although we were dressed with a minimalist approach, it was hot up there. The room was huge with a big stage adorned with statutes and candles all over it, with a smaller alter. The room was painted gold and red and there were little mats with cushions set up for each person in our group. There were a bunch of chairs in the back for people who are unable to sit on the floor for whatever reason, today I was one of those people due to some pelvis pain I have been dealing with. 


I thought we were going to walk in, sit down, be quiet for 2 hours and then leave and I was relieved when the teacher actually began to speak to us about meditation. He mumbled quite a bit, so much of it was lost in the space between him and the group, although I think that is part of his charm. He spoke to us for a while and then at the end we sat in silence for about 15 minutes. One piece of advice was to keep the eyes open and at eye level if possible, which automatically begins to correct the posture. I have to admit it was a bit odd, there we were a room full of nearly 50 adults, all sitting on the floor in silence staring into space for 15 minutes. Then the gong rang and it was time to come back to earth. The one thing I enjoyed about the meditation was the ability to let my mind roam and just notice what I was thinking about. There are few moments in my day where I sit down, stare off into space and just observe what happens, but now that I know how it works I might start trying it more and more. I started noticing what I think about, often times my seemingly random thoughts would all lead back to the same place, which seemed a bit strange to me. How can thinking about so many different items all lead back to the same place? At the end of our practice as our instructor chanted, we were instructed to dedicate any positivity that may have arose from our meditation practice to someone in our lives who needed that energy more than ourselves. I thought that was very noble, and then an idea dawned on me, 'what if everyone in the world did this practice once a week, sat for 2 hours, noticed their thoughts and then dedicated some good energy to another person in need, what would the world look like?!' 


As I was walking home I realized that we did get off a bit easy today, we got a good intro and some good tips on generating a meditation practice. I'm grateful that they didn't just throw us off the deep end and let us mentally torture ourselves right off the bat. Having said that, I feel like in a way I have faced one of my fears. However, I'm still pretty nervous about the meditation weekend, I'm hoping to make it through the 2 days, I'm not going to grill myself if I don't, but I'm hoping it doesn't come down to that.


One more thought that came from our instructor was

"This time we spend together will go by faster than you think, but there will be intense boredom. There are two types of boredom, hot and cold. Hot boredom is when you are so bored that you become agitated or frustrated, this will happen but eventually you will tire and the cool boredom will set in." 

xo

handstands, packing the suitcase, summer and more

Today was one of the most beautiful days in Toronto! We have been having such a wonderful summer, its been sunny and hot almost every day for weeks now, thats my kind of weather report. Lately there have been some new poses added to my repertoire, and whenever that happens I like to document them in a photo album, usually done by the charming and talented Tim Bermingham. Here is a shot from our latest photo date...

There are a couple other ones that should be up over the next week or two.

Packing my suitcase once again has proven to be mildly stressful, although I will say that I'm getting better at the whole 'one week here, one week there' business. The suitcase is out and I'm slowly starting to put a few items into it. When I go away for any amount of time there are a couple supplements and health products that always make the cut. At home I have an extensive essential oils kit, plus tons of superfoods and other nutritional products that I use on a daily basis, leaving home means only taking the ones on the top of the list. My top 5 items that I can't live without are...

1. Natural Calm Magnesium
2. Medicine essential oil kit from http://www.livinglibations.com/body-care/essential-kits/medicine-pouch-1.html
3. Lavender and palo santo essential oils also from http://www.livinglibations.com
4. Psyllium husks
5. Coconut butter from http://www.artisanafoods.com/products/coconut-butter

I'm really pleased to announce that when I return to Toronto I will be doing a really cool event at Downward Dog in the Beach on Tuesday August 16th in the evening. Registration will likely be open sometime next week and its going to be fantastic. Ian Hyman (dj HyFi) is coming back to Toronto and we are doing an event together, Ian spinning and myself teaching a challenging but accessible vinyasa flow class. After Colorado I'm only home for 2 full days, to visit some friends, do this event and re-pack my suitcase so be sure to come out! Ian's music is amazing, if you think my playlist is great, wait until you experience the magic of a live dj! Hope to see you all there, we will probably go out for dinner after somewhere in the beach, fun fun fun!

As I'm away I will update my blog with new tricks and tips from Richard Freeman, it should be an interesting month filled with primary series, chanting, hilarious facial expressions, going deeper into the practice and letting our kidney wings fly us away...

xo kby

back home but soon to be off again... SUMMER ADVENTURE

The summer adventure has officially begun. Tonight I got home after having spent 8 days in California and Nevada. I have about 11 days at home before I head out to Boulder, CO to do the teachers intensive with Richard Freeman (insert crazy grin).

The trip out west was great, California is one of my favourite places of all time. The yoga teachers in LA are to die for, so challenging and inspiring and a little bit hilarious. The adventure began in Las Vegas where I did a bunch of yoga and even got to take a class with the lovely Jennifer Stuber and dj HyFi. After Vegas the plan was to hit San Diego and then drive up the coast, but sadly we had to send the car to the graveyard after it died on the side of the road leaving us stranded in the desert. I won't go into details, but let's just say, that was just the beginning. The car was done, in all honesty though that thing was older than me, so it wasn't quite as ridiculous as it sounds. Getting a new one took almost the rest of the week, and there was much time spent driving in rentals, spending extra nights in some cities and test driving new ones. In the end everything got sorted out and I got to San Francisco on time to catch my flight, stress free. In the mean time I spent countless hours on my yoga mat in Vinnie Marino's class in Santa Monica and also baking in the sun beside the ocean. After LA, I had the chance to check out a class in Santa Barbara at a studio called Yoga Soup, which was surprisingly good, for a smaller town they have some shit together for sure. After that it was off to San Luis Obispo which is another smaller town on the coast, such a great vibe happening there, met some really cool people and spent a night drinking local wine and eating strawberries with strangers who ended up being really cool friends.

I have never really been on a real life road trip before, and its a bit funny that my first one was laden with car troubles, missed classes and a few too many double americanos. In the end the trip was a total success, the few days we spent driving the coast and stopping for classes, beach time and random lunches made up for the time test driving new vehicles in Rosemead LA (hahaha). I think it has been determined that all cop cars should be PT Cruisers and that strawberries are a great dinner. Air conditioning is a good thing to have and sometimes coffee isn't all bad. Showering three times a day is overrated and always remember to never leave the house without a jar of artisana coconut butter, just incase. I learned a bit about being chill and not stressing out when you run into trouble, which (let's be serious) is not easy for me. Sometimes being around new people can teach you a lot about all the little habits you have, good and bad, and then from there you can start to work on them.

I'm off in about 11 days to Boulder to start up a month long program with Richard Freeman, which honestly I have been a bit worried about. Looking forward and trying to understand what I have really signed myself up for is scary at this point because I recognize that I might be one of the youngest and less experienced practitioners there. Before I left for CA I was feeling a bit anxious about going to Boulder because when I'm at home I'm surrounded by so many amazing yogis and sometimes I compare myself to other people in the room who are practicing at a level that I don't even dream of. Having been back in Vinnie's class I realize how much I have improved over the past year and the class that used to blow my head off now seems doable and even fun. Its important to only compare yourself to yourself and sometimes setting a little goal like attending two Vinnie Marino classes in a day can be just the ticket to realizing how much you can improve if you practice well, hard and frequently. I guess the moral of the story is check out where you are at, document it somehow and in a year or two go back just to see,  you won't believe what a little practice will do.

In the mean time,  I'm teaching tons of classes this week at Downward Dog downtown, my mom is out of town and she is handing the place over to me. Don't worry, I'm coming back with tons of new inspiration and energy to take things to the next level.  Here are a couple photos from the trip, stay tunes for more...


xoxo

kby