whatever you do, don't go toward the white light

Today July 26th is a day I will likely never forget, the day I visited the cadaver lab. For anyone that doesn't know, a cadaver lab is a place where they have preserved human bodies for the purpose of scientific study. As you all know, I'm in Boulder this month studying with Richard Freeman, and today was the first day at the lab. There has been an unsaid tension surrounding this day, because many of us have never seen a dead human body, its not usually something you see when studying yoga. The trip to the lab has been lurking slowly toward us day by day and today it happened, we got into our cars and drove out of downtown Boulder with feelings of excitement, anxiety, queasiness and more. 

We walked into the lab, which was a large warehouse space with a door that lead right out into the parking lot, I guess they like good ventilation when dealing with decomposing flesh. The space looked like a classroom, with about 20 small desks and a chalkboard and there was a teacher with a white lab coat directing us to our chairs and such. Once I sat down I started looking around, on the chalkboard there were large body parts written down ie. psoas, shoulder, pelvic floor, etc... As I continued to look around I noticed in one area of the large room were 4 tables on wheels, about the size of operating tables, and each of them had on it a sealed body bag, thats when everything starting making sense. 

Our teacher was fantastic, he was completely respectful of our feelings and of the cadavers as well. He began by talking to us about the donation program, and allowed us to ask any strange questions that we had, this was the warm up act. He wanted to make sure we were ready to move forward, and as any seasoned pro he knew that there would be a few weary souls in the back row a bit hesitant to move on. As he scanned the room he began to ask certain people how they were doing, asking for names, just making people feel more at home, at this point there were a few students starting to squirm. I began to feel light-headed, and my vision starter to falter a bit. I have fainted a few times in my life so I know the signs. As our teacher continued to speak to us I noticed that his lab coat was a bit stained, then I looked back at the chalkboard with the body parts written in bold letters, scanned the back of the room with the body bags and I knew in that instant it was time to get out of there. I stood up without a word, I didn't have any words left, and with that I bolted towards the door leading into the parking lot. As soon as I hit the concrete outside I burst into tears and began pacing around, at this point it had started raining. Mary came out to make sure I was still alive, offered to bring me home if I wanted and just reassured me that being in the lab wasn't easy for anyone. 

I was the first to drop.

After about 10 minutes I pulled my shit together and went in, they had a body out on display at this point, everyone crowding around the table in awe. I hung back by the wall for a few more minutes and then decided I was ready to face death and hope for the best. Slowly I got used to it, although the experience was unlike anything I had ever faced before, bit by bit I became desensitized. After about 30 minutes I was in there with everyone learning and watching all the muscles and joints move in real bodies. The coolest part but also perhaps the weirdest part was when we were shown a piece of the lower arm with the hand attached. There are so many tiny ligaments and tendons and muscles in the hands, wrists and forearms, its unimaginable. Our teacher began to pull on certain muscles and we saw the hand move, the fingertips bending and everything, we were literally seeing how the inner hands actually work. A strange thing about cadavers is the insides look kind of as they do on tv shows, but the hands and the feet look real, and watching them move so lifelike really brought us back to where we were... at the lab.

And then another girl went down, fainted and hit the ground. 

The experience itself was informative, surreal, ridiculous, interesting and more. We all made it out alive and well. 

The human body is so interconnected it is insane. In science we learn about the different systems and how they function and interact with each other, but its never so clearly demonstrated that the systems are completely connected than in a cadaver. The kidneys are literally sitting in the lower back, it became real to us that low back pain could indicate kidney malfunction, or any organs and any body system for that matter. What affects one part of the body affects the entire body because literally everything is contained under the skin and its all right there, hanging out with each other all the time. In Canada getting into a lab is nearly impossible unless you are in a university program. As yoga teachers I think it was an extremely informative and thought provoking experience, and if you are ever given the chance, take it! The entire experience brought up issues of life, death, what health means, and much more.......... and with that, goodnight!

xo